Where you are.

The sky is blue and the winds blew gently. The sun has risen for a couple of hours and was now blessing every being under it with a gentle warmth. I can smell the grapes, the soil and the still wet leaves from the rain storm last evening.

It was a day such like this when she left.

She didn't asked me to leave with her. She didn't even asked me to wait.

It was a thorough goodbye as if she knew she won't be coming back.

And I knew that she won't. She can't.

I had thought of chasing her. I had thought of running after her, grabbing her hands and never letting her go. If she can't stay then I'll be with her. No matter where she is, I'll go with her. Just like before, I'll have her back, she'll have mine. We'll be companions, never letting each other go. Never leaving each other behind. I'll be beside her. Whenever. Wherever.

But we both knew I can't do that. I won't do that.

She knew and she understood. I am a master. A fancy title that bears a responsibility greater than myself. She knew what it's like to be responsible not just for my life, but for many others who rely on me whether they knew it or not. She knew I have something I need - devoted to protect no matter how much I want her to be the only life I want to prioritize. She knew I needed to stay. I have to stay.

I can't be an irresponsible master to everyone who took care of everything when I left before, years ago. I can't fail those lives who relied on me, trusted me, when I came back. I can't leave what my father has left behind. Again.

She knew and understood because she's kind - too kind. Her eyes, golden and kind, sees through me even if I say nothing. She understood me like she knew what I'm thinking without saying anything. It was like she knew because she's going through - gone through - the same thing. I don't know. I just have this feeling that she knew more than what everyone thought she know.

I never liked the knights, but she's an exception. She's giving her best in everything - trivial or not. Maybe that's when she started to pique my interest. She's reliable, in battles, in cooking, in almost everything. Sure, she needs to learn more about things here in Teyvat but she's doing her best; in learning, in helping people, in rushing through danger - although I wish she'd stop doing that.

Seeing her doing her best everyday - in a place where she's a stranger - makes me want to do more. Of what? I honestly don't know. Seeing her smile is rewarding. She's usually silent but that makes me want to know what she's thinking.

That time, when I needed her assistance, I told her: "I'm in the habit of working alone, but I did enjoy having your assistance this time. In the future, if there's anything you ever need, you can come to me for help."

She smiled in response. A gentle smile like an afternoon breeze with her eyes, golden, shimmer in kindness and understanding.

It was then I knew, I liked her.

Then soon, as I get to know her better; in between her smile, silence, laughter and her tears. In the midst of our battles, some of which we were unscathed, some we went home nursing our wounds. In the process of learning and understanding each other as comrades, as companions, I realized, in the middle of it all, that I love her.

I didn't questioned her about her past. I don't know her story. Like how I can't tell her about my past, I know she's not ready. It doesn't matter that much. What matters is that she's here, existing, in front of me.

We didn't confirm or deny anything about us. We just know that our hands held together felt right. That her body felt home in my arms. That I don't care about what lies ahead in the future when her lips are on mine.

In a short time, we lived a dream. A dream where we can go wherever we want to go. A dream where we can stay however long to our hearts content. A dream that consists of moonlight and fire, of sighs that brings shivers to my spine, of hearing my name over and over in a voice that I can never forget, of an angel shedding her wings in the heat of flames to be a mortal - to be with a mortal. It was a dreamlike reality that I wish would never end.

I knew she's hesitating to leave so I took advantage of it. Hoping that the more I shower her with love, she'll be swayed to stay. But as days pass by, her golden eyes shimmer with determination a degree more than before, I know by then; she needs to leave. She will leave.

I know it'll have to end soon. Sooner than I wanted.

Just like she understood me, I understand that like me, she have something - someone - she needs to find, to protect, to prioritize.

She knew that love is great but there is something more to this world than love.

So she left.

And I stayed.

"I'll wait" I said to her because I know that's the only thing I can do. The only thing I can do for her is to not move.

"I'll wait so you can just come back" I said. But this is a silent plea. "After everything is over, after you do what you must do, I'll be here. I'll wait no matter how long. I don't care when but just know that I'm waiting." Is what I want to say but didn't. Because I don't want to burden her. Because I know even how much I plea, her response will be the same.

She smiled in response. The smile that I love, gentle as the afternoon breeze, and her golden eyes, somber and distant, like the wind will scatter her to dust, to nothingness, to a place where I can't reach. I knew then she won't be coming back.

As she turned her back, I summoned all my strength not to run after her. I felt that part of me is crumbling as she turns smaller and smaller so I willed my feet to turn back and not linger. To not watch as her back disappear in the horizon.

This is for the best. For both of us.

I knew that. But knowing doesn't make it easier. Knowing doesn't mean it won't be painful. Knowing doesn't mean it won't be hell.

And it was hell.

It was like back then when I lost my father. It was hell through and through.

I tried to become what I am before she appeared in my life. I tried my best however there are times when I gaze to the direction where she left, waiting for her to blonde hair to appear, waiting for her to be back. There are times when I almost blindly chase after her. There are times, maybe more, that I regretted staying.

My people must have known how much I'm about to go crazy because they started reporting her whereabouts and events concerning her even when I didn't order them anything.

I felt like I'm disturbing her privacy but my intelligence unit made up an excuse that it's for "monitoring" purposes considering major events are happening around her.

So I relented, not because of their excuse because I need to feel - to know something about her. The reports brought me a piece of comfort, knowing that she's existing in the same sky that I see.

I'm fine even if I knew that she's been in this city but haven't gotten a glimpse of her, not even a strand of her hair.

Even if I can't see her as long as she's existing in the same world, I'm fine.

I will be fine.

That's what I want to believe.